Trisha’s Blog:

Hope you have an ALL – YOUR – FEELINGS New Year!

Although we typically say “Have a Happy New Year”, It is actually one’s ability to feel and express a wide range of feelings that ultimately allows us to be happy. This is why I would like to take this opportunity to wish you a Happy, sad, angry, glad, frustrated, mad and any other feelings within you – New Year!

If you are looking for a counselor in the Twin Cities area please contact Trisha Falvey, MA, LMFT

Winter Solstice 2013

On a lone Winter evening,when the frost has wrought a silence… John Keats 1816

As the longest night of the year approaches I invite you to the silence and peace that Winter offers. Give yourself the time and space to rest in the deep quiet of Winter. This will give you a chance to check in with yourself. While you may experience some difficult feelings ( which are there whether acknowledged or not ) you will have a chance to think about your life journey thus far. Are you at peace with your life and relationships?

If resting in the silence seems difficult you might want to ask yourself why. Have you gotten caught up in the frenzy of Holiday obligations? Sometimes this occurs due to an inability to say no to others expectations. Sometimes this happens because of our own excitement and not realizing we are too scheduled for out own good until it is too late. Sometimes the busyness serves to mask feelings that people are told they aren’t supposed to have. Feelings of disappointment, loneliness and grief are often not acknowledged throughout the year, much less during a holiday season. As human beings we are wired to have and express many emotions not just the happy ones, and by disallowing yourself the spectrum of feelings it is hard to live a wholehearted life.

This winter I invite you to come to the silence – and listen. Over scheduling and noise can keep us from living an intentional and vibrant life. This is a time for your heart, soul and feelings to speak. If you listen you may gain a deeper understanding of and connection to your inner self.

Wishing you peace as Winter approaches…

Trisha Falvey,MA,LMFT

Happy. Gay. Pride.

GLBT Pride festivals and parades are happening across the country this weekend. We will go to celebrate equality in Federal Marriage benefits. We will go to celebrate that the state of California has reinstated Marriage equality. We will go to celebrate ourselves and our loved ones who have experienced the pain of discrimination and lived to see this day. We will go in honor of Del Martin and Phyllis Lyon, Harvey Milk and the transgender activists at Stonewall – all early pioneers of the LGBT movements. We will go in remembrance of all those who did not live to see equality unfolding. We will go for those who died of AIDS while their own families turned their backs on them, society blamed them and the US Health Department did nothing. We will go for the servicemembers who were discharged with no military pension or benefits before and during the Don’t Ask Don’t Tell policy. We will go to heal the harms of the past. We will go for those who still can’t. We will go for the teenager unable to get there, who still feels alone and for the adults who will not come because they fear losing acceptance, their religious community, jobs or family support. We will go to nurture ourselves because as minorities in this culture it takes more energy to live each day. We will go to recharge, because we know we are not done with the work that justice requires. We will go to show our children that diversity exists, and that diversity is GOOD. Today I encourage you to give yourself a big hug, acknowledge how far we have come both personally and as a nation, and join us in celebrating GLBT pride 2013 !

The Cost of Skipping Premarital Counseling in Minnesota

75 dollars. That is what it costs someone in Minnesota to avoid premarital counseling. As a counselor I would suggest that there are other costs, such as disharmony and separation when married couples don’t have the tools to help their love endure. However, this post is simply to educate Minnesotans about MN statute 517.08 and the discount they will receive on their marriage licenses if they complete premarital assessment and counseling. August 1,2013 is the first day same sex couples can marry in Minnesota. While I have had the privilege of offering Prepare/Enrich in the past I am thrilled that GLBT couples may now a) attain a marriage license b) qualify for the premarital counseling discount.

If you are looking for someone who offers Prepare/Enrich and premarital counseling for ALL couples, please contact Trisha Falvey, MA

Nearly One out of Six Couples face Infertility

Nearly 1 out of 6 couples in the US face Infertility

Nearly One out of Six couples in the US are facing Infertility. A report came out this month in which researchers found the numbers to be higher than previously believed. This statistic may seem staggering to many. To the people facing infertility it may bring up another thought, “If this many people are affected, why do I feel so alone?”

Despite the high numbers of people facing infertility it still can feel like you are the only ones going through it. This may be because there is a general reluctance to speak of fertility concerns or problems. It takes courage to bring up something so personal. Unfortunately, once you take the risk of sharing you may be met with feedback that, while well meaning, often minimizes the pain of what you are going through. Comments like, “just relax, don’t think about it and you will get pregnant” or “have you considered adoption?” or “you are lucky, my kids are driving me crazy” often serve to underestimate the real fears, thought processes and stress of people facing infertility. For supportive friends and family who are tempted to make comment such as these please note a) it is almost impossible NOT to think about pregnancy when you are on a biweekly emotional roller coaster of trying to conceive b) Most couples facing infertility are making very personal decisions, know all their options, and think of them repeatedly. C) While one might prefer well behaved children, couples trying to conceive want children – even if they drive them crazy!

Sometimes it can be validating to meet with people who understand. Knowing that there are huge numbers of couples experiencing infertility isn’t enough to break the isolation associated with infertility. Connecting with people who understand and are going through some of the same challenges can often feel very supportive and help lessen the feelings of isolation. The Twin Cities area has various avenues of support for people surviving an infertility diagnosis. Support groups, both peer and professionally led can be found on the RESOLVE website. It can also be helpful to meet with a counselor who is comfortable with, and knowledgeable about, the physical and emotional components of infertility.

Despite large numbers of people facing infertility, infertility can feel lonely. There are ways to decrease this feeling of isolation. I encourage you to reach out – whether simply to the RESOLVE website, a support group, a friend who has been there or a counselor experienced in Infertility concerns. You do not have to go through this alone.

If you are looking for a counselor who works with the emotional and relational pieces of Infertility and family planning in the Twin Cities area please contact Trisha Falvey