[ Trisha’s Blog ]
Are you GLBTQ and considering parenthood? Please join us for Maybe Baby 2015 and meet others thinking about this too and learn about options for family creation together. Each week there will be a guest speaker on topics including Foster parenting, Infant adoption, Conception, and Surrogacy. There is time each week for group discussion – and always a lot of laughter as well! The four week series is sponsored by the Family Equality Council and is facilitated by Trisha Falvey, MA, LMFT. We will be meeting at a space provided by Enlightened Wellness/Enlightened Mama on Thursday evenings beginning October 1. The Maybe Baby workshop series is FREE but registration is required. You may learn more and register for Maybe Baby at The Family Equality Council. Maybe Baby promises to be informative, insightful and FUN!
It can be difficult to find a meaningful wedding gift these days. Many couples already seem to have everything they need to create a home. While they may have tools for cleaning and repair, do they have the tools they need to have an enduring marriage?
If you knew you could give them skills to help their marriage last a lifetime, would you? Research has shown that Premarital Counseling reduces divorce by 30%. Couples who complete Premarital Counseling are more likely to report satisfaction in marriage and to seek help if they are having difficulties.
Love may have brought them together but the stressors of life may drive them apart if they aren’t aware of what keeps a relationship strong. Premarital Counseling and Education offers couples a chance to explore their strengths and growth areas and also provides valuable techniques for enhancing communication and affection.
Many families and friends are giving Premarital Counseling and Education as a wedding gift. It is a way for them to celebrate the love that was found, and encourage a marriage which lasts a lifetime. What a great gift!
* Couples who complete Premarital Counseling and Education receive a discount on their marriage license in Minnesota.
We Remember Them
At the rising sun and at it’s going down; We remember them.
At the blowing of the wind and in the chill of winter; We remember them.
At the opening of the buds and in the rebirth of Spring; We remember them.
At the blueness of the skies and in the warmth of summer; We remember them.
At the rustling of the leaves and in the beauty of the autumn; We remember them.
At the beginning of the year and when it ends; We remember them.
As long as we live, they too will live, for they are now a part of us as We remember them.
When we are weary and in need of strength; We remember them.
When we are lost and sick at heart; We remember them.
When we have decisions that are difficult to make; We remember them.
When we have joy we crave to share; We remember them.
When we have achievements that are based on theirs; We remember them.
For as long as we live, they too will live, for they are now a part of us, As we remember them.
Written by Sylvan Kamens & Rabbi Jack Riemer
This week is National Infertility Awareness week. It is the time we are reminded that 1 out of 8 couples are affected by infertility. Despite these astronomical numbers, infertility can feel very isolating. One of the reasons is that it may be difficult for people diagnosed with infertility to speak about it, and often once they do, others have difficulty knowing what to say or do. This post addresses this specifically.
If you know someone struggling with infertility it is most likely because they have trusted you with this personal information. Consequently there is an even greater hope that you will offer support to your friend or loved one, even if it feels a little outside of your comfort zone. Here are a few ways you can do this:
1) Send a card validating them and the struggles they are having.
2) Let them know you are thinking of them and are open to listening if they would ever like to talk about infertility. I stress the LISTEN piece because this is the most important part, and is least likely to result in them feeling minimized or misunderstood. If you, or someone close to you, hasn’t experienced infertility, the best you can offer someone is a listening ear – not advice which they most likely have heard many times over. You don’t need to have any answers, simply be available to listen.
3) If you know someone is longing to parent it is ok to say “I know you are going to be a great parent someday!” or “Your child is going to be so lucky to have you as their Mommy.” The infertility struggle can undermine confidence in our bodies and our dreams and leave you wondering, in your hardest hours, if you are worthy of parenting at all. Even if we aren’t believing in ourselves that day, comments like these remind us of what we are striving for.
4) Treat your friend to lunch or an outing. In most States, coverage for infertility treatments are not mandatory. Consequently, patients can spend thousands upon thousands of dollars for treatment and have less money left in the budget for dining out or recreation.
5) Give them a hug! If you are from Minnesota and uncomfortable with such a bold display of affection consider a donation to Resolve – The National Infertility Association. This organization advocates and offers support to your loved one and more than 7 million others who have experienced infertility.
April 19-26 is National Infertility Awareness week. This is a perfect time to reach out to someone you know who is struggling with family building and offer your support and encouragement. This week is a great week to remind our loved ones struggling with infertility that they are not alone. Please feel free to offer additional support next week, and the week after that too!
I am forever grateful to the friends, family members and medical providers ( including the accupuncturist ) who walked our journey with us. I will not forget, many years into the infertility diagnosis, receiving a package in the mail from a dear friend from Maryland. In it was a simple wall hanging which read “Believe in Miracles” Not only did it affirm our journey at a time when many others had stopped asking or talking about it with us, but it was just what I needed to remember that day. The plaque now hangs in our Miracle’s bedroom.
If you or someone you love is looking for a therapist who specializes in family building and Third-party reproduction please contact Trisha Falvey, LMFT
This post is the follow up to last week’s post ” Stop in the Name of Love” which discussed four behaviors which may lead to divorce. The behaviors are criticism, contempt, defensiveness and stonewalling. John Gottman and his team looked at which marriages fail and which ones last. They found that the marriages which made it through hard times included these behaviors:
A) Culture of Appreciation. ( Minimum of 5 times as many positive comments to one negative comment )
B) Soft start up. When a person brings up a potential disagreement it is best to begin with a loving message. Then make specific concerns and requests – “When _______ happened, I felt ________. ( Offer Solution ) Would you be willing to try __________ next time? ”
C) Accept responsibility for your part. ” What can I do differently next time? ”
D) Self soothing. If discussions become heated, take a break of 20-60 minutes to lower your heart rate and become less stressed. It is difficult to discuss or decide outcomes while stressed. Agree as a couple to use time outs when necessary. Remember, time outs are to be a minimum of 20 minutes and a maximum of 60.
Will love keep you together? The answer is “Yes” but loving feelings don’t last forever automatically; they require nurturance. Couples who actively practice behaviors which increase that “loving feeling” are significantly more likely to last. Learning to communicate, manage conflict and appreciate what each person brings to the relationship are proven ways to do just that.
If you are looking for a Couples therapist in the Twin Cities area please contact Trisha Falvey, LMFT
- Maybe Baby is back! September 3, 2015
- The Wedding Gift That Lasts: Premarital Counseling August 25, 2015
- Memorial Day 2015 May 25, 2015
- Have you Hugged Someone With Infertility Today? April 22, 2015
- Love Will Keep Us Together. March 20, 2015
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