Trisha’s Blog:
National Love YOURSELF day!
There is pressure all around to please others. This is not always wrong however, often this idea of pleasing others can take a front seat to self love and care. This can leave you and your needs in the backseat – or on a bad day – in the trunk!
What if there was a National Day devoted to Loving yourself? What if there was one day of the year when you gave the energy and care usually reserved for your children, your career or your significant other and took care of yourself? What if you treated your own self like you would an adorable puppy, a coworker, a friend in need or a newborn baby? What would that day look like to you?
I encourage you to take a few minutes to envision what you would do on a day when you put your own needs and desires first and gave loving care and energy to that vision. What would such a day look like?
Where would you be?
What would you be doing?
Would you want to be with others or on your own?
Who would be near you?
Would there be laughter, quiet or both?
As a family therapist I get the chance to see the benefits that come with people learning to love themselves. The benefits are both personal and relational as self love and care are the foundation of a healthy relationship. For yourself, and for those you love, consider celebrating a National Day of Loving YOURSELF. You deserve it!
If you or your family are looking for a therapist in the Twin Cities please contact Trisha Falvey
2012 is the Year to Improve Relationships!
January 1st brings an opportunity for fresh starts and new beginnings. Common resolutions for 2012 include getting a better job, losing weight and reducing stress. These can all be worthy goals, however it makes sense to include improving relationships on that list as well. Healthy relationships enhance both physical and mental health and increase feelings of well being. This year, each person could pick one relationship and focus on making it better. This relationship could be with yourself, your child, your spouse or a coworker – just pick one and focus on improving it. What might happen if you spent 10 minutes a day intentionally working to strengthen your understanding of another person or yourself? What would that look like for you? What would it take to achieve this? What thoughts or actions will you take to facilitate a healthier, more rewarding relationship?
In this fast paced world it is easy to take human relationships for granted and forget to nurture ourselves and the bonds of connection. Perhaps 2012 is the year to resolve to change this trend and focus on relationships – one person at a time. Wishing you Peace, happiness and a healthy connection to yourself and others in the year ahead!
If you are seeking individual, couple or family counseling please feel free to contact Trisha Falvey, MA, LAMFT.
Top 4 Reasons I Recommend the book My Princess Boy by Cheryl Kilodavis
Top four reasons I recommend the book My Princess Boy
1) The princess boy is not only adorable but also a role model for following his heart and true self
2) The parents of the princess boy love and support him
3) The book lovingly embraces gender diversity and encourages all of us to do the same.
4) The book is brief and can be easily read to children of all ages and yet the material is rich for continuing discussion.
The book My Princess Boy is written by a Mother who understands the hardships of having a child who doesn’t fit into stereotypical gender roles and realizes it is the attitudes of society which are the problem – not her child. It is my hope that one day all princess boys, tractor pulling girls and all those who are transgender will be embraced and cherished by their families in the same way. While it can certainly mean the difference between encouraging your child to be his/her true self or live in hiding, it can also be the difference between life and death. Long live the Princess Boy!
If you are looking for a therapist in the St. Paul/Minneapolis area please contact Trisha Falvey,MA,LAMFT
Don’t Ask Don’t Tell Still Stands – at 4th of July Family Reunions Across the Nation
Don’t Ask Don’t Tell Still Stands – at 4th of July Family Reunions Across the Nation!
Today we celebrate the official end of “Don’t ask Don’t tell” in the US military. Don’t Ask Don’t Tell was an erroneous policy created for gay and straight people to be able to work along side of each other without strife. The message was “if you are gay – please be very quiet about it as it may make heterosexual people uncomfortable” Another message was “if you are gay, we really, really don’t want to know about it, consequently if you do let us know who you are you may be disciplined or kicked out”. Today the US military officially stated that this policy should no longer exist. This is wonderful. This policy harmed many in the military and now the wounds it caused may begin to heal.
Many families also practice a version of the “don’t ask don’t tell” policy. This policy serves to harm relationships, prevent people from being open about their lives and hinders closeness with one another. I would like to encourage families to end the “don’t ask don’t tell” policy with their loved ones. Strides in acceptance for gay and lesbian people are large, but being fully out may still pose risks for many. It may feel especially daunting to speak openly with family as they mean so much and the risk of losing family support can be so hurtful. This year, I would like to encourage families, especially members who are heterosexual to ASK with an open heart and hopefully their gay relatives will TELL without fearing rejection. Here are three questions you may want to use with everyone at your family reunion this summer:
1. Are you seeing anyone special?
2. If so, how is ___(insert partner’s name here)____ ?
3. Did you see that NY is finally offering same sex couples marriage equality?
This one can easily be followed by “Isn’t that great?!” (If you are in an area that offers some degree of marriage equality for same sex couples you might want to pressure your gay relatives to get married whether they want to or not – why should heterosexuals be the only ones feeling this uncomfortable pressure from well meaning relatives?)
It is difficult to maintain family closeness when some members feel that they need to censor a part of themselves or their relationships. Families can play an important and supportive role in encouraging healthy relationships and gay family members should also be able to benefit from this support. If you are supportive of your gay and lesbian family members they may not know it if you haven’t said anything out loud. You can help to end the cycle of “don’t ask don’t tell” with your family members this year by ASKING and, if they feel comfortable TELLING, then show them your support. Happy Fourth of July!
If you or your family is looking for a GLBT affirming therapist in the Twin Cities please contact Trisha Falvey, MA, LAMFT
Life IS a picnic for GLBT people and those who love them!
Life may not always feel like a picnic if you are GLBT, or love someone who is, however, this Sunday in honor of GLBT Pride month there IS a picnic – and it is a free event open to everyone. Sunday June 19, 2011 Twin Cities Pride is hosting the Pride Picnic. It is both family friendly and fun! There will be a free picnic lunch as well as games for little ones, and older folks too. This picnic is different from many school or neighborhood picnics as you are invited to come exactly as you are. As long as you like to eat and/or have fun then you are welcome. ( Actually those are my stipulations, in actuality the organizers require neither that you eat nor have fun ) The other wonderful piece about this picnic is that it is drug and alcohol free so it is perfect for all ages, and for people who may be in recovery from substance abuse as well.
Too often GLBT people and their families have to censor who they are or how they express themselves. This adds stress to individuals and families alike. The Twin Cities Pride Picnic is a day where you can be yourself, enjoy time together as a family, have a delicious lunch, and celebrate the GLB and T communities! You can learn more details about the event at Twin Cities Pride.
If you are looking for a therapist to strengthen your family connection and communication in the Twin Cities area please feel free to contact Trisha Falvey, MA, LAMFT